her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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