Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
