He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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