I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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