Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
