His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
