So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
