Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
