i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
