I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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