we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
