I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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