I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
