dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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