I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
