addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
