You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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