I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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