"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
