It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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