I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
