How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
