Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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