Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
