Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
