why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
