When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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