What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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