You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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