thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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