Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
