Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
