just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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