your room smells of hookers.
And success
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
