If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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