Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
