How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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