i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She announced her abortion via fbk
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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