I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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