What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
