why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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