the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
