Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
