happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
