Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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