Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
