So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I believe in your delicious
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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