I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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