oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
