I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
