im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
