hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
