I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
