some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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