He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
